Here are the ingredients for this week’s blog:
1.)Some psychopath in Reno who is under the impression he is athletically gifted.
and…
2.)Me stuck for four hours at the Kansas City Greyhound Station. Let’s pray I don’t try crack for the first time because its insanely cheap and I need to prove to these people that I’m just “one of the guys”.
Alright, I promised earlier that I would touch on this subject a few posts ago, and me being a person of my word, I think I can arrange for that. I have been following this story for about a month, and now there has been a huge break in this situation. And since I have some free time on my hands the stars have obviously aligned for me to sit on a bench and write this while a guy with a few teardrop tattoos below his right eye looks over my shoulder. (This means that he not only went to prison, but HE KILLED A FEW GUYS WHILE HE WAS THERE! In retrospect, they should have just given him their fruit cocktail. I know you don’t get all your vitamins without it, but you gotta make sacrifices in the joint.) In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, here is the story as it stands thus far:
A senior at Fernley High School outside of Reno named Kevin Hart signed his letter of intent at an all-school assembly in front of a few media outlets to play for the University of California, Berkeley over the University of Oregon.
-This normally wouldn’t pull national headlines, EXCEPT THESE SCHOOLS HAVE NEVER RECRUITED/MET/SEEN/ this kid! This created a few questions in my mind when I heard about this story initially, such as:
-If that wasn’t an official letter of intent Hart signed, then what exactly did he sign? Did he just type this thing up himself? Where did he get those hats that he had on the table?
-How will this kid handle a semester of high school? Even the kids who don’t speak English are going to give you crap for this.
-How do you plan on making any money after high school? I say this because you are now known as “That kid who lied, then lied some more.” I know that if I was hiring at the local Dairy Queen I would hire the guy with the ankle tracking device over you. At least if this guy calls in sick I can look up where he is. With you, it’s a real toss up and I don’t know if I can trust you.
This creates a natural conflict. I mean, how can you play for a Pac-10 powerhouse if the coach isn’t aware that you exist? While coaches are humans who make mistakes, I do not think you can Jedi-Mind- Trick your way onto the roster big guy. Could you just imagine if he actually went to the first practice at Cal:
Hart: “I’m glad to be playing football for you this season Coach Tedford.”
Coach: “Who are you again?”
Hart: “I’m Kevin Hart, sir. From Fernley? Oh, I think I know what happened. You saw my recruiting tape and it probably blew YOUR MIND! Right? Am I right?”
Coach: “Hart….Hart. Umm, well I don’t see you on my roster. So that means only one thing?”
Hart: “A typo?”
Coach: “No, it means that you have five seconds to get out of here before I get every burned-out, methed-out, HIV positive hippie bum roaming the streets of San Francisco and tell each and every one of them that you have a bag of Jerry Garcia’s ashes up your cornhole and the first one to find it gets three hits of acid and the opportunity to be my starting holder against UCLA this weekend. Do I make myself clear?”
Hart: “Oh coach, you crack me up. Like that time you sat in my living room and told me that funny joke right before offered me a football scholarship to play for you. Remember?”
Coach: “ONE….TWO.”
Hart: “Okay, I guessed you called my bluff. So I guess this goodbye, coach?”
Coach: “THREE…..FOUR.”
Hart: (running as fast as an untalented fraud form the Biggest Little City in the World can)
Hart then claimed he was tricked by a man who said he was in talks with the universities, and that he was the victim. However, when it came out he was a liar and asked to provide information for this supposed “middle-man” Hart could not provide a name, phone number, or address for this guy. It now appears that this “middle man” is either invisible or has incriminating photos of Hart. You never know these days.
A police report is filed to find this man, but Hart then confesses the whole thing was a desperate try to play D-1 football. Way to come forward, Kevin, but it probably would have just been better to buy NCAA Football 2008 and just create a player with your name. (I do it all the time. It is the only time I can have biceps and a barbed wire tattoo.) C’mon, go wild with it, Kev! You could give this digital “you” top score on the speed but also make him have a rocket for an arm. OH! And “you” could have a visor, too! It seems weird, but would you rather dominate college football in your basement or be possibly facing charges of filing a false police report. It’s your choice, but I would rather lead Fresno State to another NCAA title (I took them to the Sugar Bowl in '04. It was insane) while only throwing to a player inspired by a cross between Champ Bailey and Jesus while we share the MVP award, than going to court. Call me old fashioned.
Obviously, without the coaches hearing about this kid, there is no way he is going to play football there. Additionally, judging by how smart this stunt was, I do not feel as though he makes the admissions requirements for the University of Missouri-Rolla let alone such prestigious state institutions as Cal and Oregon. This making Mr. Hart the biggest liar since Rafael Palmeiro stood in front of congress saying, “I have never, ever, used performance enhancing drugs. Except for Viagra, which totally affects my performance. You know what I’m talking about Senator McCain.”
It now comes out last Thursday that Hart is now filing a $20,000 defamation lawsuit against the Lyon County School District citing that the whole station was blown out of proportion, and that they are, “Trying to make [me] a scapegoat in the embarrassing hoax.” I don’t understand this. He? Wants money? It’s obvious that this kid doesn’t think things through…at all. The only thing the school district did was believe this kid and invite media people over to the school and called an assembly. Just a quick piece of advice: when you make your school look stupid, and there is video evidence of it, you aren’t sitting pretty.
And the worst part of this is, Hart has a lawyer, Ken McKenna, who actually took this case. This guy is a real piece of work when he said, “Kevin really did pull off, I guess, one of the greatest pranks on Fernley High and the school district and the community of Fernley.” The greatest prank on Fernley High? What was the last senior prank? Did someone let three hookers loose in the hallways numbering them, “1, 2, 4,” so everyone is looking for the #3 hooker? I’m just saying, whatever happens in Reno obviously stays there.
McKenna then went on to say, “The sad part now is that some adults don’t like being embarrassed and they want a scapegoat. They want to hang it on somebody rather than laughing it off and saying ‘got me’” No, that isn’t the sad part. The sad part is that you find a way to dress yourself every morning, let alone found a way to pass the Nevada Bar Exam. I think a lesson can be learned here:
If you are stupid, do not get someone even stupider than yourself to try and help your situation out. It only leads to crushed dreams and Maury Povich telling you “When it comes to three year old YoLanda, you ARE THE FATHER!” Cue the black lady yelling “I said you donnit! You so stupid!”
The bottom line here: Hart lied and deceived a bunch of people, including the police department. The difference between this and most “senior pranks” is that you aren’t supposed to lie to the cops and make up imaginary people. Take whatever comes to you Kevin, and man up for what you did.
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