For this next submission, I could write on just about anything involving college basketball, the Shaq trade, or the stupid kid in Nevada who falsified his recruitment with Pac-10 powerhouses Cal and Oregon (which I will hit on later when all the facts come out on just how much crap, exactly, this kid is in.)
But rather, I write here today with a story that almost went completely under the radar. While cruising around MLB.com today, I noticed an article on the Florida Marlins FanFest that was held over the weekend. Now I normally wouldn’t care about this story for a number of reasons, such as:
1.) It’s FEBRUARY
2.) It’s basketball/ Frisbee golf season
3.) Because even Marlins fans don’t care about the Marlins.
4.) Because the pictures of everyone attending this event in shorts and T-Shirts make me more angry than Bob Knight with hemorrhoids.
and finally…
5.) Because every time the Marlins win a World Series, they dismantle their team like a fat kid going TO TOWN on his gingerbread house every 26th of December.
But I digress. The real reason this article intrigued me in the first place was the headline that read, “Stadium talks highlight FanFest.”
Stadium talks?
The Marlins?
What could they possibly be talking about?
Could they be talking about the last place Marlins (71-91), or the last place Dolphins (1-15)? (Not to mention the last place Heat (9-40). Man, when it rains it pours down there.)
But alas sports fans, these talks had nothing to do with Rickey’s Rastafarians, or D-Wade’s Demented Dribblers, but rather Uggla’s Ugglies. (It’s just too easy sometimes.) Yes, it is the Florida Marlins who are looking to move out of Dolphin Stadium and into a place of their own. In a statement by Marlins President David Samson, he had this to say to the crowd: "At next year's FanFest, we're not talking about the stadium deal. We're talking about the construction. We're talking about how it's being built. What it's going to look like." While its good to have long-term goals for your team, I have a few problems with the Marlins building a new stadium, such as:
1.) The Marlins will be worse than they were last season
Giving this team a new stadium is like sending your pothead son to Amsterdam. The kid didn’t do anything right, so why reward him? I would understand if the team was good to finally move it into its own stadium. And I’m sure the Dolphins would prefer not to trip on first base every time they do an out-route by midfield. However, this team is showing no signs of promise with their last place finish last season and now the departure of their top two players, Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera. Listen, if you put a pig in makeup, its still a pig. So why would that rule not apply to putting a homeless man in a sweater vest and khakis? It’s still a smelly, hairy, dirty, crafty-with-cardboard hobo. Long story short: putting a bad team in a bad-ass new stadium won’t make that hobo stench go away. Trust me. I’ve tried.
2.) Nobody goes to these games.
And why would they? If someone came up to me in Miami and asked me:
“Hey man, lets ditch this stupid beach filled with beautiful women and go see the Marlins game bro! C’mon man, I know they’re in last place, but the Pittsburgh Pirates are in town!”
I would have a hard time saying yes. Even if you bought me one of those ten-dollar cokes and a plastic helmet filled with half-vanilla, half-chocolate soft serve.
The truth of the matter is that nobody goes to these games. For example, the Florida Marlins had a total attendance of 1,370,511 fans show up to the park over the course of the 2007 season, with an average attendance of 16,919 dedicated at each of their 81 home games. The only problem:
THIS RANKS DEAD FREAKING LAST IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES!
If Miami sports fans know anything about anything, it’s how to be last at something. Apparently, nobody does it better than they do. I mean, when the TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS’ attendance beats you out, you need to take a look in the mirror.
While I will concede that a new stadium creates a buzz around your team, skyrockets attendance, creates jobs in the area, almost certainly guarantees you an All Star game, which gives the city an economic boom, I do not think a new stadium is a priority for this team. Additionally, if they were to get a new stadium, I have one burning question:
Will they even bother to put seats in?
1 comment:
ahh see i think what they are planning to do is instead of seats they are just going to put water slides up and and down the stadium and turn the stadium into a giant water park...which in theory would solve the problem of people going to the beach instead of a baseball game...i mean sure no one will be watching the game, but no body watches it down there anyways and the owners will make big bucks so that they can stock pile there team in 3 years and win another world series...dismantle the team again like you said and start the process all over....sad thing is...is that their strategy will have gotten them 3 more rings than the rockies might ever have
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