Okay, I’m only going to say that April was tough people and I thank all of you for staying with me. Like when Hillary stayed with Bill even when he did the thing with that intern and it sorta blew up. You guys have stayed with me through the tough times and you will be rewarded like when the Colorado Rockies rewarded me last October for all my years of loyal service. I appreciate how you guys keep it interesting with me, like when Rachel got back together with Ross, even though he liked her when she didn’t like him and then she liked him but then he kinda moved on with that other girl and thought he was over her but then still had feelings for her that just wouldn’t go away which made the other girl mad and somewhere along the line he got a monkey? Yeah, just like that…
I come to you al today with a recap of the NFL Draft. Now, I know what you are all thinking: “Oh boy, I love the NFL Draft and all the coverage that comes with it. I just love that guy with the gelled hair, um, what’s his name? Mel Something? Anyways, I just can’t get enough of his insights and it’s such a shame that the draft isn’t on TV and show’s like Around the Horn and PTI don’t do enough of that coverage. GOD, IF ONLY THE DRAFT WERE EXAPNDED TO TEN ROUNDS COULD MY LIFE BE COMPLETE!!!!”
Okay, there may have been some sarcasm in that previous sentiment. But, I swear on this one, if any of that rang true for you, there is a problem. Why? Because the coverage of the NFL Draft and the week leading up to it has become my least favorite aspect of professional sports in America. The fact of the matter is that they said the same thing over and over again for nine days straight, and it was getting absolutely outlandish. Now I’ll admit I watched a little bit of the draft to see one of two things:
1.) Who my team picked
2.) Who the New York Jets picked.
For a Team that went 4-12 last season, you know Jet Fan was hungrier than ever to have a good draft. However, I love Jet Fan on draft day because they have nothing better to do with their lives than to sit around Radio City Music Hall screaming at the top of their lungs one of five things:
1.) J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!
2.) NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
3.)BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
4.) OH NO!!
5.) GWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
I love it. Don’t believe me? Think I’m exaggerating? Well take a look for yourself:
Just try and watch that video without stupidly giggling. I’m just so surprised that I can laugh so hard at another person’s perpetual pain.
Giggling aside, I’m still a little angry at ESPN for making the NFL Draft so big and giving it so much hype that there is no way the draft can live up to the drama. I guess it’s not their fault that they actually get decent ratings on this event, but there is just something wrong here. I mean, when you think about it, the draft is five or six guys sitting around a table playing one big giant game of ‘Guess Who?’
While I feel for the analysts who have to cover this marathon event for ESPN, they could say just about anything and no one can really be held that accountable for what they say because it is entirely speculative. While it seems impossibly hard to have so many opinions on so many players and what system they would fit in with what team, just take a look at this sample template that I have devised to make anyone sound like they know what they are talking about.
“Well, they need a (insert random position here) who can (insert cliché football skill), so I think they are going to draft (insert player who plays that position and their college). The team won’t tell who they are going to pick, but I think they could also go with (insert player) out of (insert corresponding college) . If they don’t go with (first player), they may also go with (insert big name player everyone knows) who (pick another cliché term. It really doesn’t matter)
Think I’m wrong? See if this sounds familiar:
“Well, they need a defensive end who can “shoot the gaps”, so I think they are going to draft Chris Long. The team won’t tell who they are going to pick, but I think they could also go with Glen Dorsey out of LSU . If they don’t go with Chris Long, they may also go with Darren McFadden who “is the most complete player in this draft.”
I swear I’ve heard that exact sentence maybe a thousand times in the past week on any sports-oriented show on TV or radio in the past week.
Or there’s this one:
“By drafting (insert player) the (NFL team) definitely addressed their need at (position)”
“ By drafting Malcolm Kelly the Redskins definitely addressed their need at wide receiver.”
It’s just so easy to sound like a draft expert, and I think it will definitely add a little more realism to my John Clayton Halloween costume. I mean, every wide receiver has “good hands” and “great speed”. A running back is either “lightning fast” or a “power runner”. A quarterback either has “good arm strength” or “makes great decisions”. That’s the reason they are in the draft. Their good hands, good speed, or understanding of the spread offense. I mean, you never see Trey Wingo say, “Wow, and the Dolphins select so-and-so from blank university. I don’t know why they drafted him guys. He has no speed, is a cancer in the locker room, and only one working eye.”
Its just crazy. It almost drives me as nuts as when college football analysts say a team plays “smash mouth football.” No I know you guys have heard that one before. What is that? Smash mouth football? Are there teams out there who don’t hit or tackle? How stupid do you think I am?
However, in that same token, I do love when an analystst says a team or quarterback has “moxy”. If anyone ever said that I had moxy, I’d feel compelled to hug them. However, with that hug, I would lose all my hard-earned moxy. Gotta love it.(for more information on this term, look no further: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=moxy)
Even as I hurriedly type this article to get it out to the loyal citizens of JSW, the cut-in line on SportsCenter was,” And Mel Kiper joins us to tell us whether McFadden will end up like Reggie Bush or Adrian Peterson? Also, will Tim Tebow go #1 in the 2009 NFL Draft?” I watched that segment due to the fact that I am currently posted up on my couch with no remote control and getting up is just not an option right now. And you know what the network had the nerve to do? HAVE TODD MCSHAY DO HIS 2009 MOCK DRAFT!!!! I’m feeling a Jet Fan-esque outburst right now. GWAAAAAAHHHHH!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I just endured a week of “Who are they going to pick?,” and, “Who fits this need?,” and, “How many times a day does this guy take a dump? How will this affect his game?” It’s absolute horse malarkey!
I’m over it right now. Stop with the draft coverage. There is the NBA and NHL Playoffs right now. It is baseball season! Ronaldo just got caught with transvestite hookers! Talk about anything else before I loose it ESPN!.
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Side Notes:
-If you haven’t joined the Facebook group “Yeah, I read Jims blog for the articles (wink)” in order to get up-to-the-second updates on the latest happenings in the JSW Stratosphere, I suggest you get on that. Big ups on FlickNation for the hustle on that.
-It’s official, I AM A PROPHET!!! One my previous post, I said this of the NCAA Final Four Championship game: “I'm going out on a limb to say that this game is decided by 3 points or less. It will potentially be won on the last shot. I just have that feeling tonight.” If this game didn’t go into overtime, I would have definitely quit school and B-Lined it to the Sports Book at the MGM Grand and be on sports the rest of my life. No that I wanted to toot my own horn or anything…
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-I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO LAUNCH THE FTB (Friends of the Blog) PROGRAM IN JIMS SPORTS WORLD!! ON THE OUTSET, THIS WILL ENTAIL GUEST ARTICLES FROM THE INAUGURAL FTB OF JSW, ROBERT FLICKER. NOW I BET YOU ARE ASKING, “HEY, I’VE GOT AN OPINION JIM! WHEN THE HELL CAN I GET ON THE SITE?” I TELL YOU ALL THAT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO CREATE INCENTIVE FOR ONE TO DO THIS, BUT IT MAY REVOLVE AROUND GETTING MORE PEOPLE INVITED TO THE GROUP AND EXPANDING THE REVOLUTION. ADDITIONALLY, YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO PERFORM AN ACT THAT DISPLAYS
YOUR LOYALTY TO JSW. A PLATE OF BROWNIES OR JELL-O SQUARES WILL SUFFICE. KEEP UP THE COMMENTS ON THE GROUP PEOPLE, AND MAYBE YOU WILL GET A GUEST COLUMN OF YOUR OWN. REMEMBER, DREAMS CAN COME TRUE….
I am indeed sorry for this April drought. My first article was entitled ‘Hopefully I Don’t Hit the ‘Rookie Wall’. Thank God that didn’t happen.
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